Coping with the emotional impact caused by a divorce
The breakdown of a relationship has been described by psychologists as one of the most stressful events in a person's life and it's said to take divorcees two or more years to really get back on top of things and regain their own identity.
It's not only couples who feel the emotional impact of divorce, as research shows that children and close family members can also have feelings of loss, confusion and anxiety when the family unit breaks down. The experience has often been compared to the grieving process associated with the death of a loved one, but there are some important distinctions.
Unlike a death, divorce has no accepted mourning practices and friends and family will often distance themselves from the situation in an attempt to avoid getting caught in the middle or appearing to be taking sides. Additionally, the breakdown of a relationship can often bring feelings of failure and rejection that are not present when mourning.
Emotional Stages of Divorce
Initially, a person may experience feelings of relief if life at home had been tense and stressful before separation. It's also common to have increased energy levels and to feel very positive about the future in the early stages of a break-up.
After a few months, it is common to feel lonely and worried that you will remain single for the rest of your life. You may feel low, lack concentration and your health may suffer as feelings of anger and failure start to become more prominent.
It's important to acknowledge your anger as a normal part of the process and to express your feelings in a safe and controlled way with a counsellor or close friend.
As you work through your emerging feelings, the full impact of your change in circumstances will start to appear. For 12 months or so after the separation you may struggle to balance your financial and parental responsibilities as you adjust to a change in income and your role in your family's life.
As you move into the second year of your new life, you will start to adjust and establish a new routine that works well for all parties.
Coping Strategies
There are several things you can do to help you cope with the emotional impact of divorce and it's important to remember that healing takes time and is a very personal journey. Do whatever you can to have some time out from other responsibilities and avoid making any major decisions that you may regret or that may add extra stress in the early days of divorce.
Be kind to yourself during your divorce and try to make time every day to do something you enjoy. This may be something simple such as taking a long bath, but anything that allows you to relax and have some time to yourself will be helpful.
Additionally, avoid negative self-criticism and celebrate your good days while accepting your bad days as part of the healing process.
It's important to stay in touch with friends and family during this time and talking through your feelings will allow you to move on and work through issues.
Some people can struggle when it comes to discussing their feelings and they can find it easier to talk to a stranger. There are several support groups available if you want to connect with others who are going through divorce, but you may also find it useful to speak with a trained counsellor.
Zoe is a lifestyle blogger with a keen interest in psychology. She has contributed this post today in collaboration with Hughes Carlisle, divorce solicitors in Liverpool.