Survey Reveals Top Fantasies

A recent poll of members of the Itsmyfantasy website community revealed that 86% of the site’s female members have had some sort of sexual fantasy whilst they were with their partner, but only 32% of them had admitted it to their other halves and only 12% have acted out their fantasies.

However, those that did were almost always overwhelmingly positive about the experience, showing that with careful planning, communication and understanding between you and your partner, turning your fantasy into reality can be an extremely fulfilling experience if you’re brave enough to try it!

According to the ItsMyFantasy resident Sexpert Louise Van der Velde, our fantasies are extremely important for exploring our own sexuality. She says, “The brain is our biggest erogenous zone and it’s important that we accept fantasy as part of our sexual being.’” Many women we talked to admitted that they felt guilty about some of their fantasies, sometimes worrying that they were somehow betraying their partners by indulging themselves with forbidden thoughts. However, research has shown that in general men would prefer women to be more forthcoming with their fantasies and not be afraid to share them.

Louise says, “Its important for men not to be intimidated by female fantasies. Bear in mind that they are often just that – products of our imaginations. Whilst men enjoy very visual fantasies, women often create romantic scenarios with complex storylines. Encourage your woman to share these with you – and perhaps there may be parts of them that you can fulfil.”

Top Men’s Fantasies

1) Uniforms and Dressing Up

This topped the list of men questioned. Think Rachel from friends fulfilling Ross’s ultimate fantasy of dressing up as Princess Leia, or Miranda’s sudden success on the dating scene in Sex and The City once she’d reinvented herself as an air stewardess. Most of the men questioned would love for their ladies to dress up and create a fantasy role play, whether its nurses, maids or air stewardesses. Louise says, “This is an easy fantasy for many women to recreate in the bedroom and will most likely drive your man wild with desire. Try experimenting with different looks and outfits – the fun is in the discovery of what really turns your man on!”

2) Three’s Company

The idea of having a sexual experience with two or more women indulges the super-stud fantasy in every man. Interestingly, group sex also came second on the female list of top fantasies, suggesting that even if you don’t go as far as trying it out with your partner, just talking about it together could add some spark to your evening.

3) Paying For It

“The idea of sex without any emotional involvement is very appealing to a large number of men,” explains Louise. “Most men have certain times when sex is simply about relieving a physical need – almost like scratching an itch! Therefore the very perfunctory act of paying for sex as a service can be very exciting, although despite its popularity as a fantasy, a far smaller number of men actually go through with it in reality.”

4) Submission

Men might be dynamos in the boardroom, and complain about their nagging wives or girlfriends in everyday scenarios, but it seems that when it comes to the bedroom, many men enjoy lying back and being told what to do. “I love it when my girlfriend gets all dominant on me,” says Chris from Bayswater, “I get amazingly turned on by handing over total control to her and waiting for her orders. I think deep down most men find this hugely tantalising, but we’d probably never admit it to each other!”

5) Making it Public

Many men fantasise about making love in a public place, with the risk of being caught adding to the thrill. The number of male celebrities who have been caught out whilst indulging this fantasy is testament to the popularity of the public sex scenario and it seems its popularity is ever increasing.

Top Women’s Fantasies

1) Putting on a Performance

It seems that many women are secret exhibitionists. Having an audience watch them as they indulge in their wildest sexual fantasies gives a large number of ladies a secret thrill. “The thought of knowing that other people were getting excited just by watching me is fantastic.” says Jessica from Bayswater.

2) Team Building!

Group sex, including getting down and dirty with other women, came very high on the list of women’s fantasies. A large number of women, whilst not describing themselves as bisexual, are turned on by the thought of having sex with other women in a group scenario. “I love the thought of the freedom of being naked in front of other people, and of indulging myself wildly with a number of people in the same room.” says Sophie from Maida Vale

3) Strangers in the Night

Meeting a mystery man and letting loose in an anonymous setting is enormously seductive for a great many women. Jackie from Kingston says, “I love the idea of sharing a totally wild night of passion with a complete stranger. Of course it would never happen in real life, but in my fantasy I can behave exactly how l like and be a totally different person. I work in a very stuffy law firm during the day and I often think about how my colleagues would react if they knew my secret fantasy.”

4) Sex with the Ex

There’s something totally erotic about the forbidden - and sex with your ex is surely one of the biggest taboos. In the specific fantasies described by women, many were transformed into their ex’s ideal woman and met up with him one last time to give him a night he would never forget. Interestingly though, at the end of the night, most women just want to walk away, having shown their exes what they’re missing!

5) Dominant Diva

As men fantasise about being submissive, an almost equal number of women fantasise about taking the lead with their partners, in a complete reversal of traditional roles. Many women described tying their partners up, spanking them, ordering them to perform and begging for mercy. It seems that whilst many of us are traditionally somewhat submissive in real life – our fantasies are to become complete divas in the bedroom!

Fantasy Dates

We’ve all dreamed about our fantasy date, but sadly the great majority of our dating experiences don’t live up to our expectations. We’ve all got horror stories about disastrous dates and whilst these can sometimes be hilarious, it can also make us think twice about taking the plunge again, particularly when using the internet to meet a potential partner.

Unfortunately for those of us left on the dating scene, men in particular can be extraordinarily unimaginative when it comes to picking great dates. More often than not it’s a quick drink in the pub followed by an awkward discussion about what to do next - the men having not booked dinner just in case things don’t work out. Not surprisingly, a failure to plan the evening properly came top in the list of women’s dating turn-offs.

Writer Dawn Porter, author of ‘Diaries of An Internet Lover’ (Virgin Books) remembers a disastrous date where the man had hedged his bets. She says, “On one of my dates, I met a promising sounding guy off the internet who told me he would love to ‘wine and dine’ me. We met at a pub on Charlotte Street and after a couple of drinks, thinking that he’d booked a place to eat, I asked him where we were going. His face made it abundantly clear that he hadn’t made any kind of reservation. I didn’t mean to be presumptuous, but considering his early emails he’d mentioned Gordon Ramsay’s gaff, I’d just supposed that he’d got it all sorted. I felt somewhat cheated, especially when he announced he wasn’t even hungry and didn’t want to break up the evening by going for food. A very odd thing to say in my opinion, seeing as we met so early and had blatantly agreed on dinner. I was absolutely starving as I’d only eaten a plate of peas all day, so I was pretty pissed off.”

However, it’s not as difficult or expensive as you might think to create a ‘dream date’ scenario. With a little bit of effort and forward planning, it’s pretty easy to turn a dull date into a fantasy evening. ItsMyFantasy.com asked their London dating members about their ideal fantasy date, and discovered that a great many of them are achievable. What is most revealing about the answers is that neither the men nor the ladies are quite as demanding as they might appear.

Top Fantasy Dates for Women

1) Whisked Away

Top of the list for the ladies was being swept off for a surprise weekend to a city like New York, Paris or Rome. Writer Dawn Porter enjoyed this rare experience this during her 6 months of internet dating whilst researching her latest book. She says, “I met a lovely chap who on our second date out of the blue offered to take me to New York the following weekend. Once I’d picked my jaw up off the floor I simply had to say yes. Unfortunately nothing came of it in the romantic sense, but we’ve ended up as great friends and I’ll never forget that weekend.”

2) Retail Therapy

A shopping trip with unlimited spending scored major points on the female fantasy scale. Imagine if you will ladies being given free rein in Selfridges with your doting date behind you ready to flash the cash or swipe the plastic. Susan from Notting Hill says, “This is definitely my top dream date. I know it’s a really old fashioned ‘Pretty Woman’ scenario, but I think it would be wonderful. Of course, in my fantasy I would have the perfect size 10 body to fit in to all the wonderful designer clothes too!”

3) Fine Dining a Deux

Dinner at an ‘unbookable’ restaurant such as The Ivy or Nobu came third on the list, suggesting that with a bit of advanced planning, the guys would do well to seduce their ladies’ stomachs. Amy from Kensington said, “I never get to go to really flash restaurants. It would show that the guy thought I was really worth it. It would be lovely to end the date watching the lights of London sparkle from a champagne flight on the London Eye…perfect!”

4) Celebrity Style

A night out with a celebrity date at a London premiere or big awards ceremony. Claire from Islington says, “I’ve always wanted to glide up the red carpet into Boujis without standing shivering in the queue - the paparazzi’s camera bulbs flashing! At the end of the night there would be no night busses or painful feet from trudging the streets in stilettos – my date’s limo would be waiting outside to whisk us both off home.”

5) Preened and Pampered

The girls also loved a date at a top spa, being pampered and massaged, sharing champagne in the Jacuzzi followed by a carpet picnic in front of a roaring log fire. Louise from Enfield described how she’d share this indulgent date: “I work so hard during the week and love to relax – we would have loads of time to talk and get to know each other in a completely chilled out environment…so much nicer than shouting at each other in a crowded pub.”

Men’s Top Fantasy Dates

1) Gamble the Night Away

London’s casinos provided the hot spot for men who clearly want to indulge their James Bond fantasies. “I’d love to while away the hours with my date playing blackjack and roulette. Of course in my fantasy my chips would never run out and the woman would blow on my dice and give me luck” says Jack from Ealing

2) Rock and Roll

Your fantasy man would love to take you to see his favourite band play an amazing gig, but then whisk you backstage to meet his buddies – the band and crew – where you’d spend all night hanging out like P Diddy and his entourage.

3) Millionaire Mogul

Getting just a taste of the lifestyles of the rich and famous with 24 hours to flash the cash on a date stands at number three on the male fantasy list. John from Camberley says, “In my dream date I would roar up to my girlfriend’s front door in my Ferrari, whisk her off to the airport, have dinner served on my private jet and land in New York in time to go to a top nightclub. It’s a cliché I know, but it’s every man’s fantasy.”

4) Sporting Prowess

Many a man’s ideal date can recite the off-side rule backwards and knows the difference between a scrum and a ruck. A Saturday afternoon freezing on the terrace’s may not be every woman’s idea of fun, but a shared interest in sport can create the ingredients for a perfect date. Simon from Richmond says, “A woman that understands – really understands – my love of football is the ultimate enigma. I really do dream of finding someone special to share my season ticket with.”

5) Home Cooking

It seems that the old adage of the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach really holds some truth. A surprising number of men cited a cosy evening in with their love, eating delicious home cooked food and snuggling up on the sofa as an ideal fantasy date. It seems that many men are simply looking for an old-fashioned girl!

When it came to top dating turn-offs, many of these were shared equally by men and women. Top of the list was their date turning up late, with drinking too much and talking about exes following in second and third places respectively.

Find out more at ItsMyFantasy.com.