Attracting women – A skill that can be learned?

Dating and attracting women often seems like a confusing, frustrating, heart-wrenching ordeal, but it just doesn't have to be that way. Being attractive to women is a skill - not a talent people are born with, according to Anne Stringer, MD and Chief-Matchmaker of RSVP Introductions.

Anne helps the men on RSVP’s books be more attractive, get more dates and increase their confidence - with women and every area of their life – by beginning with some simple ideas to guys thinking about a new woman in their life.

Says Anne: “the easiest way to pull is to know what women want; it’s not that hard: you just have to listen carefully, ask the women already in your life what they like and behave like a gentleman".

Anne's Top Tips for the Perfect Pull:

1. Women love to laugh. If you can make her laugh, she’ll be putty in your hands. (Though, make sure she’s laughing with you rather than at you; leave your Norman Wisdom impressions at home).

2. Like a good boy scout, be prepared: have a fund of things to talk about, so there are no embarrassing silences.

3. Women hate meanness. Make sure you never come across as tight-fisted. Be careful where you date – free dating sites are a dead giveaway! Always pay half. Don’t take her somewhere which offers two for the price of one or all you can eat for a fiver.

4. Women like men to make an effort. Funnily enough, they don’t want to date you straight from work or doing the garden. They want you to make as much effort as they undoubtedly will. Look smart. Good quality, up-to-date clothes will make you look good and feel good. And don’t forget the shoes. Being experts on shoe purchase, women really notice shoes. And, please, no trainers.

5. Find common ground. Your date will progress rapidly if you can find things you both have in common. It helps build rapport – a sense of trust and connection between you. That means asking questions, listening to the answers and responding to them. Getting that “me too” response is great for creating rapport: remember Groundhog Day? So do I!

6. Find out what’s important to her. For really advanced rapport-building, find out what’s really important to her…and provide it. Look for patterns in what she says/does/likes. So, if it’s excitement, make your next date Alton Towers; if it’s innovation, go to the Design Museum.

7. Be on time. For women, there’s nothing worse than hanging around in a bar waiting for someone; you just get approached by all sorts of weirdos in shiny suits. Better still, be early. It speaks ‘reliability’ – high on many women’s lists of desirable qualities in a partner.

8. Avoid previous relationships. No-one wants to hear a blow-by-blow account of the decline and fall of your previous relationship. Or, for that matter, a notch-by-notch narration of your sexual conquests. Both men and women want a partner without baggage.

9. Make your first date a drink, not a three-course dinner. You don’t want to commit (and nor will she) to three hours and £50 of slap-up dinner at your first meeting. Make it a coffee or a drink or similar, so you both have an easy exit after an hour or so. You can have dinner next time, if the drink goes well. Or even go on to dinner if the drink goes well.

10. Make your first date in a public place. Think of her; whilst you may not have any safety concerns, for her, it’s a different matter. So, show your caring side from the first date by finding somewhere suitable – hotels are good, coffee bars, wine bars and similar.

11. Finally, don’t be too male about it. Whilst we all know that men are very ‘visual’, not everything that comes beautifully-wrapped is worth opening. And, similarly, the best albums aren’t the ones that sound great on the first listen. Take your time; invest a little; get to know her. Don’t make an all-or-nothing judgement based on the first five seconds of what you see.